Just Curious!
I remember the summer after college graduation my best friend and I attended many weddings. We were both extremely social and outgoing, and had been brought up to be 'charming' by engaging others in conversations at parties. However, we both started wondering what would occur if neither of us initiated small talk with the other guests. Before one particular reception, we made a pact to each stand alone at the party and wait to see what happened. After all, we were considered two of the more popular young ladies. We were part of the in-crowd. We were always friendly and spoke to everyone. Well, what happened at this wedding reception is that no one walked up to either of us and said anything. All night, we stood alone until re-grouping and ending the painful test. The lesson was clear; we were interested in others and no one demonstrated any curiosity about us. Or was that truly the lesson?
Forty years later, I recently met two old school friends for lunch. I hadn't seen them in twenty years, though I had vaguely kept up with them through other former classmates. We lived in different cities, so I was excited to see them again and catch up on their lives. We had plenty of time in the car ride to the botanical gardens, then strolling along together while viewing the rows of flowers, followed by a leisurely brunch. I immediately launched into a barrage of curious questions, sincerely interested in learning about their lives. And share they did. They talked and talked and talked about themselves non-stop, but never posed a single question about me. During the five hours we spent with each other, neither of them displayed the slightest curiosity about me or my life.
I kept waiting, but after awhile realized that just like the wedding reception exercise, my desire for affirmation in the form of someone demonstrating a reciprocal interest in me was not going to be fulfilled. So what was the lesson this time? Are my friends simply totally self centered and have no interest in anyone but themselves? Or, do they have so few opportunities to share anything, that when given the opportunity, they utilize every moment pouring out every detail about themselves, fearing they will not have another opportunity in the near future to be the center of someone's attention again? Or, am I just curious and they are not? Sadly, I seem to come across more and more people of both sexes who appear to be starving from a need to talk about themselves and rarely show interest in listening to others.
Forty years later, I recently met two old school friends for lunch. I hadn't seen them in twenty years, though I had vaguely kept up with them through other former classmates. We lived in different cities, so I was excited to see them again and catch up on their lives. We had plenty of time in the car ride to the botanical gardens, then strolling along together while viewing the rows of flowers, followed by a leisurely brunch. I immediately launched into a barrage of curious questions, sincerely interested in learning about their lives. And share they did. They talked and talked and talked about themselves non-stop, but never posed a single question about me. During the five hours we spent with each other, neither of them displayed the slightest curiosity about me or my life.
I kept waiting, but after awhile realized that just like the wedding reception exercise, my desire for affirmation in the form of someone demonstrating a reciprocal interest in me was not going to be fulfilled. So what was the lesson this time? Are my friends simply totally self centered and have no interest in anyone but themselves? Or, do they have so few opportunities to share anything, that when given the opportunity, they utilize every moment pouring out every detail about themselves, fearing they will not have another opportunity in the near future to be the center of someone's attention again? Or, am I just curious and they are not? Sadly, I seem to come across more and more people of both sexes who appear to be starving from a need to talk about themselves and rarely show interest in listening to others.
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