WHAT IS A MANLY MAN IN 2017 ?

A man I greatly admire recently said, “I used to know what it meant to be a man, but with the diverse depictions on TV and in the movies, I no longer have any understanding of today’s concept of manliness or what it means to be a ‘gentleman’ anymore.”  At first, this statement sounded somewhat old-fashioned and non-progressive. Sorry to disappoint my fellow Baby Boomers, but John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, and General Patton are no longer the Millennials’ ideals of manliness. The world evolves, whether we like it or not, and some concepts morph anew. Perhaps, Bill and Melinda Gates, Hamdi Ulukaya of Chobani, Lin-Manuel Miranda, or John Legend now occupy those revered slots. A woman was deliberately included in this list, since words like ‘manliness,’ and ‘gentleman’ can apply today to a broader base which is no longer gender specific. Of course, men and women have different chromosomes and the majority can be identified as one or the other, but the attributes of ‘manliness’ and ‘femininity’ can apply to everyone at various moments in their lives. I have changed out toilets, hung chandeliers, and managed a business during the day, while later wearing a sexy nightgown to bed.  Nothing could be more appealing than seeing George Clooney changing his twins’ diapers and allowing Amal to pick up the check. Let’s face it, life was simpler when the rules were explicitly defined, but not nearly as rich or liberating as today’s confusion over ‘what does it mean to be a Metrosexual man?’ I laughed to myself after my niece’s hunky boyfriend suggested the perfect color for her nail polish.

 Being a gentleman is far more than opening doors, walking behind a woman, and standing when a woman enters a room. Though such gestures allow one to quickly identify who has been raised with traditional male manners, learned etiquette does not reflect the soul of the person. Form is not necessarily substance. Courteous behavior derives from sincere respect and consideration for others, which transcends genders. Opening a door for another person is not reserved for men’s consideration for women. Any human being should be aware enough of others within their radius to desire opening the door for a person who is momentarily burdened or to generously allow another to go ahead. Such gestures cost nothing. Perhaps the Middle Age concept of ‘gentleman’ and knightly manners should be retired and replaced with the idea of always being a ‘good neighbor.’ We are neighbors in a car, on an airplane, on sidewalks, in a restaurant, and wherever we are in the world.  Standards of behavior should stem from an innate commitment to treating others as we want to be treated  – the old Golden Rule. Instead of following ‘man code’ or ‘girlfriend code,’ we need to return to the timeless code of treating all humans with the same value we assign ourselves.
   

The most important element of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you” is awareness. If as a society we continue to make self-involvement and relationships with our smart devices our sole interests, we will be oblivious to the world around us. I am amazed when experiencing men and women and boys and girls barreling into me as I attempt to navigate hallways at health clubs, hospitals, or schools. A seemingly unimportant issue, but it represents people’s attitudes towards others. A pushing, shoving, aggressive, me-first mentality is developing all around us which is the antithesis of good manners, manliness, gentlemen, or good neighbors.  I cannot force others to adhere to the standards of behavior I grew up with.  All I can do is live my life by the principle of treating others as I want to be treated, which is the most manly and gentlemanly act of all.